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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27274978">What Is Normal, Anyway?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyBecca/pseuds/ArtsyBecca'>ArtsyBecca</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Apex Legends (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Character, Asexual!crypto, Crying, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Demisexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, No Sex, Sex Talk, Sharing Clothes, demisexual!mirage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:22:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27274978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyBecca/pseuds/ArtsyBecca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tae Joon loves his boyfriend, and he gets into his own brain because of it. Thankfully, Elliott Witt is a patient man that loves his boyfriend no matter what.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Is Normal, Anyway?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tae loved Elliott. The man made him incredibly happy, and on most days he didn’t know if he deserved such a loving and devoted partner. Elliott was kind and respectful, never pushing Tae past his limits. It took them weeks of awkward flirting to admit their feelings. Days before their first kiss. Weeks yet again before Tae felt comfortable allowing Elliott into his room for something as basic as cuddling. Tae would apologize when he would flinch as Elliott’s warm, strong arms would wrap around his waist. It had been several months since they started officially dating, but Tae still had his moments. The little tendrils of fear that made him tense up when Elliott would reach out to smooth his hand through his hair or wrap his arms around his shoulders. It was always brief, and Tae would be incredibly embarrassed about it afterwords. But gods love Elliott, he was always remarkably patient.</p>
<p>Yeah, Tae loved Elliott. And Elliott was the best thing to ever happen to Tae.</p>
<p>Which was why he was currently flipping through articles on his tablet with a lump in his throat. Because, there was something else about their relationship on his mind. This…natural progression he’s heard about. They’ve never done anything past heavier kissing sessions and literally sleeping together. They’ve seen each other naked while showering together. And he has no problem admitting to himself that he finds Elliott incredibly attractive. But this…? Tae lets out a shaky breath as his eyes skim an article.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t want sex, but my boyfriend does. So I try to enjoy it for him, but I can feel that our lack of activities in the bedroom are affecting our relationship. Help!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“User Comment: Well no shit Sherlock. A guy’s gotta bust one!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“User Comment: It’s natural for guys. They HAVE to! Or else they can hurt themselves.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“User Comment: Have you tried taking something that will help you relax?”</em>
</p>
<p>Tae felt sick while he read the comments. The smart part of his brain told him that Elliott would never try to force him into something that he didn’t want to do. But was he doing it for Tae only? Sex was never something that Tae thought much about. Sure, he found people attractive enough, but he had never felt that….whatever it was that people talked about. Tae curled further down into the couch beneath him and exhales sharply.</p>
<p>“Well that was quite a sigh.” He hears a chuckle behind him, and he about launches out of his seat; nearly throwing his tablet across the room. Right. He was in Elliott’s offsite apartment. His boyfriend, who was fresh from a shower, stood a few feet from the couch, eyeing him with mirth. “Didn’t mean to startle you. Just heard you huffing over here.” Elliott starts towards him, prompting Tae to quickly hit the top button on his tablet and turn it face down onto the couch. “Oh? Somethin’ you don’t want me seeing?” Elliott grins, and normally Tae would love that toothy smile, but tonight it just settled guilt into his stomach.</p>
<p>“Uh-n-no-“ Smooth Tae. Real smooth. Elliott cocks and eyebrow at his boyfriend.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Elliott leans over the back of the couch and smooths his hand down Tae’s shoulder. Tae inhales shakily and leans into Elliott’s hand when it comes up to cup his cheek; thumbing the soft synthetic skin there.</p>
<p>“I’ve…just been thinking.” Tae admits softly, his eyes averting warm honey brown. Elliott removes his hand, and Tae bites back a frown at the loss of warmth.</p>
<p>“What’s up? You seem down.” Elliott comments as he makes his way around the couch and settles at the other end, fixing his boyfriend with look of soft concern. Tae wasn’t a fidgeter, but his hands didn’t quite know what to do as he tried keeping them still in his lap. “Was it something I sai-said?” Elliot’s tone shifts, and Tae tries to come up with some sort of palpable comment that would help the situation-</p>
<p>“I think we should have sex!” Tae blurts out, and Elliott nearly chokes at that. Tae’s face immediately flushes and he lets out a pitiful groan before dropping his face into his hands.</p>
<p>“Come again?” Elliott breathes. He then laughs. “Okay, maybe not the best question.” That brings another groan out of Tae. Why did his stupid boyfriend have to be so stupid while he wanted a black hole to swallow him up? “I-uh-yeah wow. You said….huh.” Elliott tries. Tae then feels the couch cushions shifting underneath him as Elliott slowly slides a little closer to him. Tae peeks out from between his fingers at Elliott, who’s a little flushed but wearing a beautifully warm smile. Tae could melt right then and there. “Tae…I’m just sur-super-surprised is all.” He reaches out to place a warm hand on Tae’s knee, grounding him. “Tae, if you want to, then I’m totally down with that. But I only want to if <em>you </em>want to, okay?” Elliott assures gently, and Tae slowly drops his fingers but keeps his eyes down at his knees. “I gotta ask…what brought this on?” Tae mulls the question over for a moment. He couldn’t tell Elliott why. He couldn’t tell him it was because he was afraid of Elliott leaving him otherwise. That he somehow got it into his brain that Elliott was like that.</p>
<p>Instead of allowing his panic to further bubble, Tae leans forward and gently presses a kiss to Elliott’s stubbles jaw. He looks up at him through his lashes, and Elliott’s hand slowly comes to rest on Tae’s hip. “You sure Tae?” Elliott asks gently and hushed as Tae places another kiss, this time to the underside of his jaw. No, no he really <em>wasn’t </em>sure. He didn’t trust his voice, so he simply nods and brings a hand up to smooth over Elliott’s chest as he brings them into a proper kiss.</p>
<p>That was something that he liked. He really liked kissing Elliott. Lead with something that he liked…that would help. Tae brings up a hand to cup around Elliott’s neck, fingers massaging into the short hairs at the back and making Elliott melt. He knew all of the right buttons to press even if they had never done anything sexual. Tae’s heart felt like it was pounding, and he felt a little shaky, but he knew this was something that should be. <em>Natural progression…</em>a mantra in his muddle mind. “Tae.” Elliott moans against his lips as the hacker’s hand slides up under his shirt and softly rubs over his stomach. “How can you be so gorgeous and so-“ Elliott breaks off his own sentence to gently but firmly push Tae onto the couch. Tae stares back up at him with wide but unfocused eyes, hands curled up over his chest like a little puppy on their back.  Elliott would find it adorable, if not for the jarring disconnect of the situation. They’d never done anything other then kiss or cuddle, and maybe shower together once or twice. So why now…?</p>
<p>Elliott lets his hands wander over Tae’s hips, and as he’s starting to gently work at Tae’s buckle, his boyfriend flinches and gasps.</p>
<p>Not in the sexy way. Not in the comfortable way. In a <em>I’m terrified way.</em> Elliott immediately removes his hands, only to place one on Tae’s cheek. He takes in boyfriend’s expression, and the world suddenly comes crashing back around him. “Tae-”</p>
<p>“I’m f-fine! Keep going!” Tae rushes out in one breath.</p>
<p>“Fuck no! You’re shaking!” Elliott retorts, but he doesn’t sound angry.</p>
<p>“….I’m just cold.” Tae says in a small voice, eyes focusing away from Elliott’s face. He feels a lump forming in his throat; warmth blooming behind his eyes.</p>
<p>“No, you’re not.” Elliott says firmly, completely removing himself from covering Tae’s body and sitting up.</p>
<p>“No!” Tae panics, immediately shooting up and grabbing onto Elliott’s shoulder. “I-I’m fine. Really! I was-I’m just nervous. That’s all!” Tae rushes to explain. <em>Please believe me. I don’t want to lose you. </em>His eyes are wide, pleading, shining.</p>
<p>“Tae, you’re <em>crying!</em>” Elliott barks, his face unreadable to Tae as he realizes his vision blurs. “Why would you force yourself to do something like this?” The question makes Tae’s breathing speed up and stutter. Tae quickly brings a hand up to rub at his eyes, but he can’t stop the tears slowly falling.</p>
<p>“Because I don’t want to lose you!” Tae shouts, face screwing up a moment later as a tiny sob escapes his throat. The stricken look on Elliott’s face makes him completely lose it.</p>
<p>“Tae-<em>baby</em>-“</p>
<p>“No! No-“ Tae immediately shoots up from the couch, hugging himself close as he takes a few steps away from the couch. He keeps his head low, clutching at his shivering form. He felt like such an idiot. He furiously wipes at his eyes with a closed fist, stars flitting behind his vision at the pressure.</p>
<p>“Tae, baby, <em>talk to me.</em>” Elliott’s hesitantly standing by him now, a hand hovering to rest against his back. Tae simply shakes his head, keeping his face buried into one of his palms. He had never felt more stupid in his life. If he had just sucked it up, he wouldn’t be sitting here driving Elliott away even further. “Why would you want t-to have se-sex now? All of a sudden?” Elliott asks. “Do you think you’d…I don’t know…why did you said “lose me?” Tae’s throat emits a frail sob at that.</p>
<p>“B-because-because it’s-we’ve ne-never done anything like that. And I-I’ve never thought about it. And I-I was reading…people leave people who d-don’t want sex.” Tae explains, or attempts to while he hiccups and sobs. Elliott’s brow furrows in confusion.</p>
<p>“Tae, have I ever m-made you feel like I’d leave if we didn’t sleep together?” The question feels so odd on his lips.</p>
<p>“No! No. Never.” Tae amends with a sniffle.</p>
<p>“Then why…?”</p>
<p>“I-I don’t…I got sc-scared. B-Because I know….I’m not normal. Guys want that kind of stuff, you k-know?” Tae rubs at his puffy eyes. He felt gross. “A-and I thought…that you’d…you’d want to so…” He trails off with a deprecating sigh. The hand that was pressing into his face drops gently to his side, and his shoulders slump. “I’m sorry.” He finally settles on, his face scrunching a little as a couple of fresh tears escape. Elliott is silent for a anxiety inducing second before he takes a gentle step forward and smooths his hand delicately over Tae’s bicep.</p>
<p>“Tae, there is ab-abs-absolutely <em>nothing </em>for you to be sorry for. Okay?” Elliott takes another soft step forward, testing the waters, before slowly wrapping his arms around Tae’s shoulders. He feels resistance, and he just about drops his arms before Tae gingerly steps into them; placing his cheek against Elliott’s collarbone. It’s then that Elliott can feel just how badly Tae is shaking. Fingers dig into the sides of his shirt as he feels Tae tensing and relaxing; trying desperately to stop embarrassing himself further.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry…” He feels whispered against his skin. Elliott can’t help that his own eyes water at that. Tae wasn’t the type to show vulnerability to this magnitude. Elliott can think of maybe only one other time he’s see his boyfriend cry, and it was after a particularly bad nightmare that disoriented him something awful. Elliott presses a teary kiss to Tae’s temple, smoothing his hands over his back.</p>
<p>“C-can you look at me?” Elliott asks so softly that Tae almost misses it. There’s a pause, before Tae pulls back a little and, not quite meeting Elliott’s gaze, he lifts his reddened and tear stained face. His breath hiccups and his eyes tear all over again when he sees that Elliott’s are also wet. Before he can protest or apologize, Elliott brings his fingers underneath Tae’s chin. “Listen to me, really listen. Okay?” Tae nods, sniffling a little. “I love <em>you. </em>Not for what you can give me. <em>You.</em> Your smile, your laugh, how you can be a c-cocky little shit.” That pulls a light snort from Tae. “Honest to God, Tae. I <em>do not </em>want sex if you don’t. Okay?”</p>
<p>“But El-“</p>
<p>“I mean it.” Elliott says firmly, and it’s some of the most serious the hacker had ever seen him. “You’re so hung up on this…” Elliott breathes with a soft, sad smile. He pushes Tae’s bangs back from his face where they stick to his cheeks his other hand presses warm and firm against the middle of Tae’s back; rubbing soft circles there. “How long have you been thinking about this…? Did one of the guys say something to you? Cause I’ll talk to them.” Elliott’s brow furrows at the thought.</p>
<p>“No…I put the idea into my own head and-mm…” Tae trails off.</p>
<p>“And being the smarty-pants you are, you did research on what you were feeling.” Elliott surmises with a smile. Tae huffs a little at that, the corners of his mouth tugging.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Tae, baby. I mean it. You have nothing to app-apolo-be sorry for. I don’t know if I’ve made you think that I’m some guy that crawls into bed with anyone that I’m even remotely interested in-“</p>
<p>“No, I know you’re not like that.” Tae quickly interjects.</p>
<p>“I’ve slept with maybe…two people? Hell, I don’t even know if I’d count the second one. We were drunk and it was stupid.” Elliott sighs.</p>
<p>“Oh…” Tae mumbles. He had really thought that Elliott had been with at least more then <em>that.</em></p>
<p>“You sound so shocked.” Elliott chuckles. “Tae, I don’t like sleeping with people that I don’t feel strongly about…I tried it the other way. Both times, it <em>really </em>sucked and I just felt gross after. I’d be open to sleeping with you because I love you, and I know that it wouldn’t be like that. But this only works if <em>both </em>want to. Just because I’m saying I’m open to it doesn’t mean I’m begging to jump your bones.”</p>
<p>“Ah….” Tae mutters, cheeks tinting pink as he scrubs away a drying tear. He wasn’t sure what to say. What <em>could </em>he say?</p>
<p>“Tae, I mean it. If we never have sex then I will still be completely happy.”</p>
<p>“But…you still-um…you get…” Tae groans in frustration and drops his face to Elliott’s chest.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about that.” Elliott laughs lightly, bringing his face down to press a soft kiss to the top of Tae’s head. “If something comes up for me, then I take care of it my own way.”</p>
<p>“Did you really just say “<em>if something comes up</em>?” Elliott throws his head back with a laugh. Tae can’t help it, Elliott’s laugh is too infectious, and he soon finds himself doing the same.</p>
<p>“I <em>did not </em>mean it that way.” Elliott giggles. He then sighs contently and rubs his hand over Tae’s biceps. “I’m sorry, Tae. I hate that you’re so upset about this.” Elliott says as he kisses Tae’s temple. “But I’m glad that you told me. Just…I’m…glad we didn’t go any further.” Elliott’s stomach turns at the thought. Elliott only earns a little hum of acknowledgment at that. “Hey, how about we curl up in bed. Watch something?” Elliott suggests, and Tae nods gently and rubs at his eyes. It was probably because he rarely cried, that he found it difficult to fully quell his tears throughout this. “C’mon.” Elliott says gently as he leads Tae to their bedroom, where the hacker sits down on the king size bed.</p>
<p>Tae looks…really small, Elliott notes. Probably because he was slumped forward, but he just looked so tired. So vulnerable. He laid a lot at Elliott’s feet, and that’s not something that the trickster will ever take for granted. “Want my hoodie?” Tae’s eyes flicker up to Elliott, to which he grins at. Elliott grabs his dark gray hoodie from the back of the desk chair and hands it to Tae, who quickly slides it over his head. He pulls the collar up a little, nuzzling down into the fabric. It smelt like Elliott, his cologne and something distinctly of Elliott’s own. The chest and shoulders were a bit big on him, and Elliott cooed lightly at the sight. He’s earned a pair of embarrassed yet grumpy puffy eyes, and he somehow can’t find it in him to take the look seriously. “C’mon clothing stealer.” Elliott teases before rounding the bed and climbing in next to Tae. He gentle slides down and pulls Tae to his chest, arms coming around to wrap loosely around his waist; a leg tucking between Tae’s. “This okay?” Elliott asks gently, thumb rubbing over Tae’s chest through the hoodie.</p>
<p>“Yeah…thank you…” Tae mutters.</p>
<p>“Always.” And with that, Tae snuggles back against Elliott as he thumbs through the remote for the tv.</p>
<p>Yeah…Tae really loved Elliott.</p>
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